How to Find Joy After Loss Without Feeling Guilty for Smiling

After the loss of a loved one, feelings can get complicated. Apart from the immense grief and sadness that come with it, we often avoid any other emotions we feel as the days follow. Even the simple emotion of joy feels like a betrayal at first. You hear yourself laugh, and it catches in your throat. You catch a sunrise or a warm breeze and feel peace, but then the guilt returns just as quickly. “How can I enjoy this when they’re not here?”

If you’ve been wondering how to find joy after loss, I want to tell you something that took me time to believe: joy and grief can live in the same breath. Feeling light doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten. It doesn’t mean you’ve moved on. It means you’re human. And it means you’re healing. I want to take the time to talk about joy and how you can find it, even after loss. Because even if you’re grieving, you should not feel guilty in feeling light.

1. Joy Doesn’t Cancel Grief

After my husband died, I spent months pushing joy away. I thought if I smiled too soon, I was disrespecting him. But grief doesn’t ask us to erase joy. It asks us to carry it more carefully.

Grief doesn’t disappear when joy returns. The two simply learn to sit beside each other. You might laugh through tears. You might cry in a moment of calm. That’s not confusion. That’s growth.

The truth is, joy doesn’t mean the love is gone. It means the love made room for something new, a memory that brings warmth, a moment that feels safe, a step forward that doesn’t erase the past.

2. Let the Good Moments Be Small

You don’t need to chase happiness. You don’t need to be “all better.” Start with one small good thing.

Drink your favorite tea. Step into the sun. Read a page from a book you love. These moments are not a replacement for what you lost. They are signs that your nervous system is learning to breathe again.

One of the most meaningful things I’ve seen in grief work is that the smallest joys are often the ones that help us the most. A walk. A meal. A memory that brings a smile without pain.

If you’re learning how to find joy after loss, this is where it begins. In the quiet. In the ordinary. In the permission to feel something other than sadness, even if only for a moment.

3. You Don’t Have to Explain Your Healing

People may not understand. They might question your choices or assume you’re “doing better” because you laughed in public or posted a happy photo. But you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Grief is personal. So is healing. You are allowed to move forward in your own time, in your own way.

You’re also allowed to love who you lost and love your life. That balance is hard, but it’s real. I’ve lived it. And I’ve walked alongside others who have, too, through Profoundly Changed, a space I created for those who are dealing with a profound loss.

The pain doesn’t disappear. But it shifts. And in that shift, something new grows.

4. Make Room for Hope

Hope is not a finish line. It’s a whisper that says, “There is still more.” More days. More meaning. More connection. Maybe even more laughter.

Finding joy after loss is not about replacing what was taken. It’s about allowing yourself to fully live, knowing that the one you lost is still with you, in memory, in story, in love that doesn’t fade.

You might feel joy and burst into tears. That’s okay. You might feel hope and then slip into a dark day. That’s okay, too. Healing is not a straight path. But every moment of light teaches you something: you’re still here, and joy is still possible.

To Conclude

If you’ve been afraid to smile, afraid to enjoy something, afraid to say, “I feel okay today,” I want you to know this: you are not doing grief wrong. You are living it, honestly.

Grief changes you. But it doesn’t erase you. And it doesn’t forbid joy.

If you’re wondering how to find joy after loss, remember this: you’re allowed to find meaning in what’s ahead while still holding what’s behind. That’s not forgetting. That’s remembering well.

So let the joy come in, even if it’s brief, even if it surprises you, even if you cry right after. It belongs here, too.