Reflections on Our 42nd Anniversary
Today marks our 42nd wedding anniversary. As I reflect on the connection we shared, I’ve come to a surprising revelation: the phrase, “I’d die for you,” often celebrated as the ultimate expression of love, is actually a selfish statement.
Romantic tales and love stories glorify the willingness to die for a beloved. It’s painted as the pinnacle of devotion—a grand, self-sacrificial gesture. But as I’ve navigated these months without my husband, I’ve realized that this willingness is rooted in a fear of living without the person we love. When we say, “I’d die for you,” what we’re truly expressing is our desire to avoid the unimaginable pain of life without them. It’s not about what’s best for the person we love; it’s about shielding ourselves from grief.
The Fear Behind the Words
The intense love that grows in a marriage brings with it an equally intense fear: the fear of losing that love. We marry because we can’t imagine a life without the other person. We intertwine our lives so deeply that the idea of continuing without them feels unbearable. And so, the willingness to die for them becomes a way of avoiding that reality. It’s a declaration born not just of love, but of the fear of being left behind to grieve.
The True Romance: Living Without Them
The real romance, I’ve come to understand, belongs to the survivor. (Not so much me personally, but the whole of survivors.) It’s the one who is left behind who bears the weight of love’s ultimate challenge. To lose your other half and yet continue to live, to carry forward their love, to honor their memory by finding joy and purpose again—that is the ultimate act of devotion.
Survival is not easy. It requires courage to wake up each day in a world that feels incomplete. It demands strength to find beauty in life when a piece of your heart is missing. And it calls for an enduring commitment to love—not just the love you shared, but the love you continue to give to those around you and to yourself.
Honoring Love Through Living
As I mark this anniversary without my husband, I choose to celebrate the love we shared by continuing to live. It’s not the life we imagined, and it’s certainly not the life I would have chosen. But it is the life I have, and I will honor him by making the most of it. I carry his love with me in everything I do, and I find romance in the act of survival—in proving that our love was strong enough to sustain me, even in his absence.
So, the next time someone says, “I’d die for you,” I’ll think of it differently. True love isn’t about being willing to die; it’s about being willing to live—to face the pain, the loss, and the fear of life without them, and to carry their love forward with grace and courage. That’s the real romance, and it’s one I’m learning to embrace every single day.
