Support for Grieving Students – A Compassionate Approach

Grief doesn’t just show up at home. It walks into classrooms with grieving students, sits quietly in cafeterias, and often hides behind distracted eyes or sudden outbursts. Grief does not follow schedules either. It arrives at unexpected moments, especially for students whose lives are shaped by loss of loved ones, circumstance, pets, or even safety. As a former school counselor, I’ve witnessed firsthand how grief affects a student’s ability to learn, connect, and thrive. But I’ve also seen the powerful difference a supportive school environment can make.

When a child experiences loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one, a divorce, or even the loss of stability, they don’t always have the tools to understand or talk about what they’re feeling. That’s where we come in. Supporting grieving students in schools isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being present, creating safety, and offering consistent care. We play a key role not just in responding to grief when it appears, but in preparing a school culture that begins healing even before crisis hits.

Why School Support Matters in Times of Grief

Grief affects every area of a student’s life: emotional well-being, academic performance, social connections, and physical health. Students may struggle to concentrate, complete assignments, or engage socially after a loss.

Left unaddressed, grief can become complicated: isolation, chronic anxiety, depression, or declines in attendance and behavior.

Schools are often the one stable place in a grieving student’s life. Routines, caring adults, and familiar surroundings can offer comfort during times of uncertainty. But to truly support grieving students in schools, educators and counselors need to recognize the signs of grief and understand how it impacts behavior and learning.

Grief doesn’t look the same for every child. Some may become withdrawn. Others might act out. Younger students might regress developmentally, while older students may struggle with focus or motivation. The key is noticing these changes and responding with compassion rather than punishment or dismissal.

Ways to Support Grieving Students in Schools

Start by creating space for open communication. Sometimes, simply asking “How are you doing today?” and meaning it can be enough to help a student feel seen. Other times, students may need more structured support through school counseling services or referrals for outside help.

Here are a few things I’ve found helpful when supporting grieving students in schools:

1. Check in regularly

• •  A short, consistent connection, whether through a morning greeting or a lunch chat, can ground a grieving child.

2. Be patient with academics

• • Grief affects memory, concentration, and energy. Academic performance may dip temporarily, and that’s okay.

3. Provide social-emotional learning (SEL)

• • SEL activities help all students build resilience, emotional literacy, and empathy, tools that are especially important during grief.

4. Establish a clear grief support protocol

• • Identify who steps in during early signs of distress: the school counselor, school psychologist, trusted teacher.

• • Prepare communications to families in advance: letters or call scripts, templates for informing of loss. Be transparent but age-appropriate.

5. Create safe spaces and consistent routines

• • Designate grief counseling or reflection rooms where students are given the option to step away when overwhelmed, work in a quiet space, or talk when they’re ready.

• • Maintain as much regular schedule as possible—structure and predictability help establish safety.

     6. Train teachers and staff

• • Provide professional development on grief’s developmental responses (how grief shows up differently in younger vs. older students).

  • Help staff recognize behavioral and physical signs: increased absences, drop in grades, somatic complaints (headaches, stomachaches), emotional numbing.

      7. Offer group and individual support

• • Small group grief support can help students feel less isolated.

  • One-on-one sessions for those with more intense or prolonged grief reactions.

      8. Be attentive to cultural, developmental, and trigger differences

• • Grief is not “one size fits all.” Community, religion, prior experience, age, and even personality shape how grieving proceeds.

  • Identify potential grief triggers: anniversaries, holidays, memorials, or reminders in media and social media.

       9. Communicate with caregivers and the broader community

• • Send home resources and suggestions for how parents/guardians can support their grieving children.

  • Provide talking points for caregivers: encourage open questions, avoid euphemism if possible (“death,” “dying”), reassure safety, allow expression of all emotions.

      10. Self-care and staff support

• • Just as students need safe adults, staff need safe support too. Counselors, teachers, mentors benefit from peer debriefs, reflection times, access to mental health consultation.

  • Recognize secondary trauma: losses outside the school, community tragedies, cumulative losses can affect even those who are “helpers.”

Practical Activities & Strategies

• Memory Projects: Let students record memories, write stories, draw, or create art about the person or thing they lost. These help honor the loss and keep meaningful connection.

• Grief Journals or Letters: Encourage writing to the deceased (or what they miss), as a way to process feelings.

• Peer Listening Circles: Class or group discussions facilitated by a counselor or trained teacher, offering space to share feelings, ask questions, and have peers affirm one another.

• Flexible accommodations in school: extra time for assignments, modified homework load, excused absences for appointments or difficult days.

Partnering With Families

Grief doesn’t stop when the school bell rings. Partnering with families is essential when supporting grieving students in schools. Reach out gently to check in, share what you’re noticing, and offer resources. Sometimes, families are grieving too and may feel overwhelmed.

You don’t need to have the perfect words. What matters most is your willingness to listen and walk alongside them.

When to Refer for Additional Help

Some students’ grief will be more intense or long-lasting. Indicators that more professional support may be needed:

• Persistent, severe decline in academic performance or attendance

• Evidence of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or talk about wanting to join deceased person

• Behavior that significantly affects relationships or causes danger to self or others

• Prolonged grief where the student seems “stuck,” unable to find purpose or meaning

Walking With, Not Fixing

Supporting grieving students in schools means walking with them, not fixing them. Grief isn’t something to be solved; it’s something to be honored and held.

When we lean in—by listening, by offering predictable support, by honoring grief instead of diminishing it—we help students believe that even in loss, they are seen, they are cared for, and healing is possible.

As a grief support coach and former counselor, I believe every student deserves to feel safe enough to grieve and supported enough to heal. If your school community is looking for ways to strengthen your approach to student wellness, you can learn more about my programs at Susan Rardon Rose Counseling and Grief Support.

Together, we can make our schools places of compassion, even in the face of loss.