The Myth of Closure in Grief: Why Love Never Truly Ends
Love’s Eternal Connection
In grief counseling, we often hear about the idea of closure — that elusive state where we “move on” and find a definitive end to our grief. But, in grief, closure, as we imagine it, doesn’t actually exist. Instead, the love we shared with those we’ve lost is meant to continue, transforming but never disappearing.
Love as Energy: A Universal Truth
Albert Einstein’s groundbreaking discoveries remind us of one of the fundamental laws of the universe: energy is neither created nor destroyed; it only changes forms. This principle applies not just to the physical world but to the emotional and relational connections we share. Love, as an energy, follows this same universal rule. It doesn’t vanish with the loss of a loved one — it evolves, finding new ways to manifest in our lives.
Einstein’s insights find resonance in quantum physics, particularly in Paul Dirac’s equation, “(i∂+m)Φ=0.” While this formula has a basis in particle physics, its implications for human connection are profound. It suggests that if two particles are connected for a time and then separated, the actions or states of one will continue to influence the other, no matter how far apart they are. This mirrors the way love and relationships operate: once we are bonded to someone, that connection continues to affect us, even across the divide of life and death.
Grief as a Reflection of Love
When we lose someone we love, the grief we feel is not a failure to find closure. It is the natural result of a love that persists. Their life and death remain a part of us, shaping who we are and how we live. We carry their energy within us — in our memories, our actions, and the way we continue to love them even after they are gone.
Closure implies an ending, but love is not something that can be neatly boxed up and set aside. It’s an active, living force, one that continues to flow through us. Grief, then, is not something to “get over.” It is a process of integrating the energy of love into our lives in new ways.
Embracing Transformation
Instead of seeking closure, we can embrace transformation. The love we shared with those we’ve lost doesn’t disappear; it changes form. It might become the inspiration behind acts of kindness, the motivation to pursue a dream, or the quiet comfort of cherished memories. This transformation allows love to endure, even in the face of loss.
For example, a parent who has lost a child may channel their love into creating a foundation or supporting a cause that honors their child’s memory. A spouse grieving a partner might find solace in continuing traditions or hobbies they once shared. These actions are not about “closing” a chapter but about carrying forward the energy of love in ways that honor the person who’s gone.
Carrying Love Forward
The idea of closure can feel like an impossible standard, one that dismisses the depth and complexity of grief. Instead, let’s focus on carrying love forward. By recognizing that love is an eternal energy, we free ourselves from the pressure to “move on” and instead allow ourselves to grow and heal in ways that honor both our grief and our love.
To all who grieve: know that the love you shared is not gone. It is with you always, influencing your life in ways both seen and unseen. As Einstein’s laws of energy remind us, what is truly significant never disappears. Love, like energy, only changes forms.
Final Thoughts
Closure is a myth, but connection is eternal. The love we carry for those we’ve lost doesn’t diminish with time; it transforms, becoming part of the fabric of our lives. As you navigate your journey of grief, may you find comfort in the knowledge that love is a force that transcends all boundaries, continuing to shape and sustain you as you move forward.
Love and blessings as you carry your loved ones.
