Grief is Nothing We Expect It to Be

While I don't agree politically and culturally with most of Anderson Cooper's viewpoints, he expresses grief so eloquently that I wanted to share his video with you. Click here to watch an overview of his podcast, "All There Is," from an interview on December 23, 2023, with CNN.

The focus of the podcast is to ask the question, "Do we move on from grief or simply learn to live with it?" As I have learned that we simply learn to live with it, I have loved listening to Anderson and his way of expressing himself.

Facing Grief Instead of Running Away

I especially appreciate that he brings to light the notion of running away from grief. He says that even though he's spent most of his life running away, he hasn't gotten very far. That's just more evidence that grief must be addressed. It doesn't just "go away."

He says, "I'm the last one left from the little family I was born into." That's especially powerful! Yet, even if you have lost just one from the photo, that loss leaves a gaping hole! I lost the patriarch from the family I created in October 2020. Then, just nine short months later, I lost the patriarch from the family I was born into. Those holes can never be filled. We just learn to live with both the loss and the love.

The Importance of Keeping "Things"

And, while we're learning, it's so important to allow the keeping of things. It's so often said that you can't take it with you; that we shouldn't value things. Yet, when things are the only tangible part of a deep, enduring love, those things have value far above the economic connotation that we usually associate with things. Their DNA is still on and with those things. In one of Anderson's podcasts, he speaks at length about what to do with his father's belts. I think it's interesting that they are still around - nicely saved in a box. His mother couldn't get rid of them. They were her husband’s! Yet, so many times, people incorrectly assume that we are "stuck" if we hang onto those things. Yet, it's simply holding on to a piece of the love! The belts stood out to me, because Bob's belts are still hanging in our closet. They aren't taking up space I need, and I like knowing that he hung them there. His hand was the last one to touch them.

Allowing Yourself to Feel Grief and Joy

Finally, it is so important to remember that "When you bury your grief to mute your sadness, you mute your ability to feel joy as well." Grief will not be ignored, so when we try to mute it, it rears its ugly head as anger and other negative emotions. It literally changes our personality. And, while loss as a whole changes us, we can learn to move forward with the grief - keeping our genuine personality intact - if we allow time to sit with the grief; to heal from the loss.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey of Grief

Grief is a complex, multifaceted journey that demands our attention and care. By facing it head-on and allowing ourselves to feel the full spectrum of emotions, we honor both our loved ones and ourselves. Anderson Cooper's insights remind us that grief is not something to be rushed through or fixed but rather a testament to the deep love we have experienced. As we navigate this journey, let us hold onto the tangible memories, embrace our feelings, and find solace in the fact that through our grief, we keep the love alive.