Grief Coaching

We don’t expect people to “move on” when something wonderful happens, so it baffles me that we expect them to move on when something terrible happens. When Bob came into my life, no one ever said, “You’re celebrating another anniversary. You need to get over that. You need to move on.” Similarly, when we sent out invitations to our children’s birthday parties, no one responded, “Another birthday! You need to move on.” Yet, when grief enters the picture, there seems to be an unspoken societal timeline, as though love and loss have an expiration date. Life Goes On, But Love Stays Life does go on, and we move forward, but moving on implies leaving something behind—as if grief were a mistake we learn from and then discard. Loving Bob was not a mistake. It was the greatest blessing of my life, and I’d choose him every time. My love for him didn’t vanish when his address changed to Heaven. It’s as present now as it was when he was by my side. Love is eternal, and so is its impact on our lives. The Fallacy of “Moving On” The idea of “moving on” after a loss diminishes the depth of our connections. It suggests that relationships—those we treasure most—can be packed away like old clothes, as though their value diminishes over time. But love isn’t something we outgrow. Instead, it becomes a part of us. It shapes who we are, influences how we live, and continues to grow even in the absence of the person we lost. When I think of Bob, I don’t dwell solely on his absence. I think of the joy, laughter, and shared experiences that enriched my life. I carry those memories with me, and they continue to guide and inspire me. Love isn’t bound by time or space. It transcends earthly limits, connecting us in ways that are both profound and unexplainable. The Blessing of Eternal Love Scripture reminds us of love’s permanence. In Romans 8:38-39, Paul writes: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This truth offers immense comfort. If God’s love for us is unchanging and eternal, so too is the love we share with others. Bob’s physical presence may be absent, but the bond we created remains intact, woven into the fabric of my life and my faith. As I move forward, I do so with the knowledge that loving Bob was—and continues to be—one of the greatest joys of my life. I will never “move on” from that love, because it is not something to be left behind. Instead, I carry it with me, allowing it to shape my actions, decisions, and relationships. Redefining Grief Grief is not about letting go; it’s about holding on to what matters while finding a way to live fully in the present. It’s a process of integrating loss into life, of continuing to love and honor those we’ve lost while embracing the blessings that remain. Final Thoughts Love doesn’t end, and neither should the way we honor it. Moving forward means cherishing the love we’ve known and allowing it to guide us into the future. My love for Bob is not a chapter to close but a story that continues to unfold. And as I walk this journey, I do so with gratitude for the love that shaped me and the promise that it will one day reunite us in Heaven.

If all you can do this week is just to trudge through each day and put one foot in front of the other and breathe, that’s enough. This week can be difficult for those of us who lost our spouse. Valentine's Day is so focused on romantic love. It's perfectly okay to allow that some days are just like that, especially for those of us with an empty chair at the table and a hole in our hearts. This week, especially Friday, February 14, might be one of those days for you, and if it is, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Letting Go of Expectations Grief is heavy enough without adding the weight of others’ expectations—or your own. There is no rulebook for how you should feel or what you should accomplish on difficult days. It’s okay if all you do today is exist. Please don’t measure yourself against standards that don’t fit where you are right now. Your journey is yours alone, and surviving today is a victory worth celebrating. When the weight of grief feels unbearable, finding even the smallest joys can help you move forward. Whether it’s the warmth of a cup of coffee, the embrace of a loved one, or the sound of your favorite song, these little moments of light can make a big difference. Embrace what brings you comfort and lean on the support system you have. You Are Enough You are enough, exactly as you are today. The pain you’re carrying doesn’t diminish your worth or your strength. Surviving a difficult day requires courage, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, you’re showing that courage right now. Remember, healing isn’t linear, and some days just surviving is more than enough. The Power of Breathing Breathing might seem like the simplest act, but on hard days, it’s also one of the most profound. Taking a moment to focus on your breath—to inhale deeply and exhale slowly—can ground you in the present. It’s a small act of self-care, a reminder that you are alive and that each breath is a step toward healing. Remember that those relationships we cherish don’t end when life changes. Instead, we carry them with us. Their love and influence remain a part of us, shaping who we are and guiding us even in their absence. Final Thoughts This week with the anticipation of Valentine's Day and then the day itself may be difficult, but you’re doing enough. By simply taking one step at a time, you are showing incredible strength. Be kind to yourself and remember: you’re not alone in this journey. You are enough, and you’re doing the best you can. That is more than enough.

This truth has become a mantra for me in this season of life. As we move into February, a month filled with the reminders of love and togetherness brought by Valentine’s Day, I’m reminded of this reality again and again. People honestly do try to understand, but they just can’t—and that’s okay. The Depth of Loss Before I lost my amazing husband and Daddy within ten months of each other, I thought I understood deep loss. I had seen others grieve, and I had offered my support, believing I was empathetic. I had grieved myself for my grandparents and others, but these were "in order" losses. We somehow don't even allow ourselves to think of losing our spouse. It's too painful! When it became my reality at what I consider a relatively young age - 56, I could never have fathomed the sheer weight of it—how it changes your world and reshapes every aspect of your life. This realization has helped me navigate interactions with others who try to offer comfort but sometimes miss the mark. Their words may not always land the way they intend, but I’ve learned to give grace. They mean well, even if their expressions of support come across as awkward or even hurt 

It’s so interesting how the beginning of our relationship and the ending are so similar. Bob sent me this card the year we were dating, while he was stationed on the USS Saipan in Arlington, VA, and I was “home” in Ashland, Kentucky. The words he wrote resonate deeply with me now, years later, as I reflect on the continuation of our love story. Relationships don’t end with the physical body. The bond we shared transcends time and space, and I know our love will endure until the day I join him in Heaven. The Eternal Connection Even though Bob is no longer physically here, I carry him with me every day. Our love didn’t cease to exist when his earthly journey ended. Instead, it has taken on a new form—one rooted in memory, faith, and the promise of eternity. Love like ours doesn’t fade; it becomes a part of who we are, woven into the fabric of our being. Every moment we shared, every challenge we faced, and every joy we celebrated together continue to shape me and guide me. The Card That Spoke Volumes That card he sent me when we were just beginning our journey together is a cherished keepsake. The words he wrote—filled with hope, love, and anticipation—echo the feelings I have now. Just as we longed to be together during our early days, I now find myself longing for the day we will be reunited in Heaven. The love we nurtured on earth was a glimpse of the eternal love we will share in God’s presence. Love Beyond Life Scripture reminds us that love is eternal. In 1 Corinthians 13:8, Paul writes, “Love never fails.” This profound truth gives me hope and comfort. Our relationship wasn’t just a chapter in my life; it was a part of God’s greater story. I believe that the love we shared was a reflection of His love for us—unending, unconditional, and eternal. Bob’s presence may be absent from this world, but his love continues to fill my heart and guide my steps. Gratitude for a Love Story I feel incredibly blessed to have experienced a love story like ours. So many people go through life without finding a connection as deep and meaningful. I’m grateful for every moment we had, from the laughter we shared to the challenges we overcame together. Those memories are a treasure trove of joy and strength that sustain me now. They remind me that our love was a gift—one I will carry with me until the day I see Bob again. The Promise of Reunion In John 14:2-3, Jesus offers a promise that fills me with hope: “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” I believe this promise extends to our relationships as well. The love we share on earth is a glimpse of the glory and joy we will experience in Heaven. He's up there building my mansion in Heaven right not - with my Daddy, Grampsy, Ern and Jill and Granny supervising. I can just see it. Final Thoughts Our love story doesn’t have an ending. It’s a continuous thread that stretches from earth to eternity. I am comforted by the knowledge that Bob is waiting for me, and until that day comes, I will carry him in my heart. This journey of love and loss has deepened my faith and reminded me of the eternal nature of God’s love. I was so lucky to have this love story, and I am even luckier to know that it’s not over yet.

Elevated Above Angels

Sharing Your Story as a Survival Guide

The start of a new year is a moment that often brings hope, anticipation, and the promise of new beginnings. But for those of us who have lost someone dear, it can also serve as a harsh reminder of their absence. As I step into yet another year without my amazing husband—the love of my life, our children’s father, and our grandchildren’s beloved Papa—I find myself reflecting on the journey that has brought me to this point. Reluctance to Embrace 2021 I remember how I felt as 2020 ended and the clock ticked toward 2021. The thought of entering a year that he would never be a part of felt unbearable. How could I celebrate the arrival of something he wouldn’t live to see? In those moments, the concept of time itself seemed cruel, a relentless force moving forward without him. That first New Year’s Eve without him was quiet, somber, and filled with tears. I didn’t feel ready to say goodbye to a year that still held his presence, even in its final days. But time, as it always does, marched on, and I had no choice but to follow. Learning to Navigate the Passage of Time As I prepare to enter another year without him, I’ve learned that grief changes shape but never truly fades. The pain of his absence has become a part of me, woven into the fabric of who I am. Each new year brings a mix of emotions—a sense of resilience for having made it this far and a renewed ache for all the moments he’ll never share with us. But I’ve also discovered ways to honor him as I move forward. Rather than viewing the new year as a chapter without him, I try to see it as an extension of the love and memories we shared. His influence continues to guide me, shaping my decisions and inspiring the ways I support our family. Keeping His Spirit Alive As the calendar turns, I find solace in keeping his spirit alive through the traditions and values he held dear. Acts of Generosity: He had a heart full of kindness, and I honor him by giving to others in his name. These acts feel like a continuation of his legacy. Family Gatherings: He was the glue that held us together, and I strive to maintain that sense of unity. Our family dinners, celebrations, and quiet moments together are a tribute to the love he nurtured. Just his New Year celebration, two of our grandchildren chose to celebrate with me. The one most like him - ever the social one, having never met a stranger - was spending the night with friends. The other two wanted to spend the night with me. I felt honored. Their parents got to have a quiet night together, and I had company. I felt his hand in organizing that, continuing to take care of me just as he always did. Personal Growth: He believed in living fully and embracing opportunities for growth. Each year, I set small goals for myself, not just to improve but to live in a way that would make him proud. Acknowledging the Challenges The transition into a new year is not without its challenges. Certain milestones, anniversaries, and memories bring waves of grief that can feel overwhelming. I’ve learned to give myself grace in those moments, recognizing that it’s okay to feel both sadness and hope. For our children and grandchildren, the beginning of a new year can be confusing. How do you reconcile moving forward with holding on to the past? I remind them, and myself, that love transcends time. While he may not be physically with us, his presence is felt in our laughter, our tears, and the ways we care for one another. Finding Strength in Faith Faith has been a cornerstone of my journey through grief. The promise of eternal life and the hope of being reunited with him one day bring comfort in my darkest moments. Each new year is an opportunity to deepen my faith and trust in the path God has laid before me. Looking Ahead With Love As I face another year without him, I choose to focus on the love that remains. He may not be here to celebrate birthdays, milestones, or ordinary days, but his influence is woven into the fabric of our lives. His laughter, wisdom, and kindness live on in our hearts, shaping the way we move forward. To anyone beginning a new year without someone they love, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to grieve, to feel reluctant, and to take your time finding your footing. The pain of loss may never fully leave, but neither does the love. And it is that love that carries us into each new year, giving us the strength to honor their memory while embracing the life still ahead. As this new year begins, I carry him with me, not just as a memory but as a guiding light. And with every step forward, I hold onto the hope that one day, we will meet again.

As the holiday season unfolds, we find ourselves approaching our fifth Christmas without our patriarch—my amazing husband, our children’s devoted father, and our grandchildren’s cherished Papa. This season, once a time of unbridled joy and family traditions, has evolved into a bittersweet blend of love, remembrance, and resilience. Each year brings its own unique challenges, but it also offers opportunities for healing and growth. The Weight of Absence Holidays are inherently steeped in tradition, and for our family, many of those traditions were led by him. Whether it was his laughter echoing through the house, his carefully chosen gifts, or the way he made each family member feel special, his presence was the heart of our celebrations. Last Christmas, his empty recliner was a stark reminder of our loss that I began sitting in it. It was as if I suddenly heard him tell that I carried a part of him with me, so it was fine to sit in "our" chair together. I couldn't sit in it prior to that. It was HIS chair. Yet, now it brings me comfort. That is but one example of how grief is a companion that evolves. While the first Christmas felt like an insurmountable wave of sadness, subsequent years have taught us how to carry his memory with grace. (Well, actually Bob would probably disagree. We laughed often at how I seem to stumble and bumble through life. Mom got all the grace. But, we're trying.) This fifth Christmas, we feel his absence deeply, but we also cherish the indelible mark he left on our hearts. Honoring His Legacy Over the years, we’ve found ways to honor him during the holiday season, blending old traditions with new ones. Here are some ways we continue to celebrate his life and legacy: Sharing Stories: We often share our favorite memories of him. These stories bring laughter, tears, and a sense of connection that bridges the past and present. A Special Ornament: The first Christmas, our son and I were in a little craft store in Nashville, where they paint customized ornaments. We had one painted with Bob's face on it. It sits out all year along with a pink ornament from our first tree as a symbol that the is always with us. His Stocking: We continue to put our his stocking as he is still part of us. Each of us put mementos and letters to carry on our own individual traditions with him. Acts of Kindness: He was a man of great generosity, so we honor his spirit by performing acts of kindness in his name, such as donating to Wounded Warriors and other projects close to his heart. Acknowledging the Mixed Emotions The holiday season often stirs a whirlwind of emotions: joy, sadness, gratitude, and longing. It’s important to give ourselves and our family permission to feel all of it. Grief doesn’t follow a linear path, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate the holidays without him. For our grandchildren, who are still growing and learning to process their emotions, we’ve made space for their questions and feelings. They may not have the same depth of memories we do, but they know how much Papa loved them. We remind them of his legacy through photos, scrapbooks, stories, and by continuing the traditions he started with them. Finding Comfort in Faith and Togetherness Our faith has been an anchor through these years. The message of Christmas—hope, love, and the promise of eternal life—resonates even more deeply now. We find solace in knowing that his spirit lives on and that one day, we will see him again, hug him again, look into those beautiful eyes, and hear that laughter. As a family, we’ve also learned the importance of leaning on one another. The holidays are a time to draw strength from our shared love and the bonds that continue to grow despite our loss. These shared experiences remind us that we are not alone in our grief. Looking Ahead With Love This fifth Christmas is a milestone, a testament to our resilience as a family. While his absence will always be felt, his love remains a guiding light. He taught us how to cherish one another, find joy in the simple things, and approach life with a generous heart. These lessons are his gift to us, a gift we carry forward with every Christmas yet to come. To anyone walking a similar path of grief this holiday season, know that it’s okay to feel the weight of your loss while also embracing moments of joy. Grief and celebration can coexist, and in honoring your loved one, you keep their spirit alive in the most meaningful way. As we gather this year, we do so with hearts full of gratitude for the love he gave us and the memories that continue to sustain us. Merry Christmas to all who carry the bittersweet blend of loss and love. May we find peace, comfort, and a renewed sense of hope this holiday season.

Lessons from John 21

A Reflection on Love and Loss

Finding What We’re Looking For: Gratitude, Grief, and the Empty Chair