The Endless Search for Lost Love

In grief counseling, we learn that preschoolers, particularly children between the ages of 3 and 5, display searching behaviors when a loss occurs. (The peekaboo game, etc.) Many assume that young children, because of their age, will have little memory of the person they’ve lost and, therefore, will experience minimal grief. However, that assumption couldn’t be further from the truth.

Even young children recognize that a major change has happened. Their hearts and minds begin searching for the one they lost. This search can take many forms—watching videos, looking at pictures, or asking when and how their loved one might return. It’s their way of grappling with an absence they don’t yet fully understand.

Grief at Different Stages of Life

As we grow, our understanding of loss evolves. We come to comprehend, at a cognitive level, that death is final. But knowing this in our heads doesn’t always align with what our hearts feel.

I believe my heart will always search for Bob’s, because he still holds the other half. This internal conflict—the head knowing one thing and the heart feeling another—is one of the most challenging aspects of grief. Bridging that gap, if it’s even possible, requires time, patience, and grace.

A Journey of the Heart

That’s what I’m attempting to do as I share my journey: reconcile the head’s understanding with the heart’s longing. It’s human nature to sugarcoat difficulty and present a "rainbows and butterflies" picture of life. But life isn’t always sunshine and smooth sailing. Sometimes, it’s trudging through mud and mire, and that’s okay too.

Acknowledging the messiness of grief is an essential part of healing. By doing so, we validate our emotions and give ourselves permission to feel deeply. It’s not about rushing to the other side of grief but learning to live with the weight of loss and the joy of memories simultaneously.

Lessons from Loss

Loss teaches us many things. It sharpens our focus on what truly matters: time, relationships, health, and love. These are the intangible treasures that can’t be replaced or purchased. They’re also the things that remain with us, even after a loved one has gone.

The heart’s search for a lost love doesn’t have to end. It transforms. Instead of searching for physical presence, we seek ways to keep their memory alive, to honor the love we shared, and to find them in the beauty around us.

Final Thoughts

Grief is not linear, and it’s certainly not neat. It’s a journey filled with searching, longing, and discovery. While our heads may understand the finality of death, our hearts will continue to seek the love we’ve lost. That’s not a sign of weakness or failure; it’s a testament to the depth of our love.



Life isn’t always about rainbows and butterflies, but the trudging through mud and mire has its own beauty. It’s a reminder that even in the darkness, love continues to guide us forward. And that is enough.