Beginning Another Year Without Him

The start of a new year is a moment that often brings hope, anticipation, and the promise of new beginnings. But for those of us who have lost someone dear, it can also serve as a harsh reminder of their absence. As I step into yet another year without my amazing husband—the love of my life, our children’s father, and our grandchildren’s beloved Papa—I find myself reflecting on the journey that has brought me to this point.

Reluctance to Embrace 2021

I remember how I felt as 2020 ended and the clock ticked toward 2021. The thought of entering a year that he would never be a part of felt unbearable. How could I celebrate the arrival of something he wouldn’t live to see? In those moments, the concept of time itself seemed cruel, a relentless force moving forward without him.

That first New Year’s Eve without him was quiet, somber, and filled with tears. I didn’t feel ready to say goodbye to a year that still held his presence, even in its final days. But time, as it always does, marched on, and I had no choice but to follow.

Learning to Navigate the Passage of Time

As I prepare to enter another year without him, I’ve learned that grief changes shape but never truly fades. The pain of his absence has become a part of me, woven into the fabric of who I am. Each new year brings a mix of emotions—a sense of resilience for having made it this far and a renewed ache for all the moments he’ll never share with us.

But I’ve also discovered ways to honor him as I move forward. Rather than viewing the new year as a chapter without him, I try to see it as an extension of the love and memories we shared. His influence continues to guide me, shaping my decisions and inspiring the ways I support our family.

Keeping His Spirit Alive

As the calendar turns, I find solace in keeping his spirit alive through the traditions and values he held dear.

• Acts of Generosity: He had a heart full of kindness, and I honor him by giving to others in his name. These acts feel like a continuation of his legacy.
• Family Gatherings: He was the glue that held us together, and I strive to maintain that sense of unity. Our family dinners, celebrations, and quiet moments together are a tribute to the love he nurtured. Just his New Year celebration, two of our grandchildren chose to celebrate with me.  The one most like him - ever the social one, having never met a stranger -  was spending the night with friends.  The other two wanted to spend the night with me.  I felt honored.  Their parents got to have a quiet night together, and I had company.  I felt his hand in organizing that, continuing to take care of me just as he always did. 
• Personal Growth: He believed in living fully and embracing opportunities for growth. Each year, I set small goals for myself, not just to improve but to live in a way that would make him proud.

Acknowledging the Challenges

The transition into a new year is not without its challenges. Certain milestones, anniversaries, and memories bring waves of grief that can feel overwhelming. I’ve learned to give myself grace in those moments, recognizing that it’s okay to feel both sadness and hope.

For our children and grandchildren, the beginning of a new year can be confusing. How do you reconcile moving forward with holding on to the past? I remind them, and myself, that love transcends time. While he may not be physically with us, his presence is felt in our laughter, our tears, and the ways we care for one another.

Finding Strength in Faith

Faith has been a cornerstone of my journey through grief. The promise of eternal life and the hope of being reunited with him one day bring comfort in my darkest moments. Each new year is an opportunity to deepen my faith and trust in the path God has laid before me.

Looking Ahead With Love

As I face another year without him, I choose to focus on the love that remains. He may not be here to celebrate birthdays, milestones, or ordinary days, but his influence is woven into the fabric of our lives. His laughter, wisdom, and kindness live on in our hearts, shaping the way we move forward.

To anyone beginning a new year without someone they love, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to grieve, to feel reluctant, and to take your time finding your footing. The pain of loss may never fully leave, but neither does the love. And it is that love that carries us into each new year, giving us the strength to honor their memory while embracing the life still ahead.

As this new year begins, I carry him with me, not just as a memory but as a guiding light. And with every step forward, I hold onto the hope that one day, we will meet again.