Lessons in Loss

Walking Through the Wilderness

Finding Joy in the Mourning

Mind, Eyes, Ears, Mouth, Heart, Hands, and Feet

Today, I’m sharing this diagram of the path within the stages of grief from one of the textbooks in the Grief Counseling course I teach. I think it’s so important to understand that grief isn’t a box to check off. It’s not a series of steps you climb and leave behind. Instead, grief is a work in progress — a journey that ebbs and flows, just like life itself. The Nonlinear Nature of Grief The stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are often misunderstood. Many people think of them as a checklist to complete, with acceptance as the finish line. But in reality, grief doesn’t work that way. You might find yourself in a place of acceptance one moment, only to be pulled back into shock and denial the next. That’s not failure or regression; it’s simply how the process works. Grief is deeply personal and unpredictable. It’s not about moving forward in a straight line but about navigating a winding, ever-changing path. Some days, you may feel like you’ve made progress, and other days, it might feel as if you’ve taken several steps backward. Both are valid parts of the journey. Grace for the Journey In this process, grace is essential. Grace for yourself as you navigate the twists and turns, and grace for others who might not fully understand what you’re experiencing. Grief is exhausting, and the weight of it can feel overwhelming at times. It’s okay to pause, to take a breath, and to acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can. I pray each day that your burden becomes less heavy with each moment you carry it. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving your loved one behind. It means finding ways to carry their memory with you as you move through life’s complexities. The Importance of Education and Awareness The diagram I’m sharing from my class is a tool to help students understand the nonlinear nature of grief. It visually represents how we can cycle through different stages multiple times, often in unexpected ways. This awareness is not only valuable for those studying grief but for anyone experiencing it. Understanding that these shifts are normal can help alleviate feelings of frustration or failure. Support and Community Navigating grief is easier with the support of others. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional counselor, having people who can walk alongside you in your journey can make all the difference. Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to face it alone. Final Thoughts Grief isn’t a linear process, and that’s okay. It’s a complex journey, full of highs and lows, moments of peace and moments of pain. If all you can do today is put one foot in front of the other, know that it’s enough. You are enough. As you navigate the path of grief, remember to extend grace to yourself and those around you. Each step, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength and resilience. And always hold onto the hope that, with time, the burden will feel a little lighter, and the love you carry will continue to guide you forward.

The School Counselor Shortage

We don’t expect people to “move on” when something wonderful happens, so it baffles me that we expect them to move on when something terrible happens. When Bob came into my life, no one ever said, “You’re celebrating another anniversary. You need to get over that. You need to move on.” Similarly, when we sent out invitations to our children’s birthday parties, no one responded, “Another birthday! You need to move on.” Yet, when grief enters the picture, there seems to be an unspoken societal timeline, as though love and loss have an expiration date. Life Goes On, But Love Stays Life does go on, and we move forward, but moving on implies leaving something behind—as if grief were a mistake we learn from and then discard. Loving Bob was not a mistake. It was the greatest blessing of my life, and I’d choose him every time. My love for him didn’t vanish when his address changed to Heaven. It’s as present now as it was when he was by my side. Love is eternal, and so is its impact on our lives. The Fallacy of “Moving On” The idea of “moving on” after a loss diminishes the depth of our connections. It suggests that relationships—those we treasure most—can be packed away like old clothes, as though their value diminishes over time. But love isn’t something we outgrow. Instead, it becomes a part of us. It shapes who we are, influences how we live, and continues to grow even in the absence of the person we lost. When I think of Bob, I don’t dwell solely on his absence. I think of the joy, laughter, and shared experiences that enriched my life. I carry those memories with me, and they continue to guide and inspire me. Love isn’t bound by time or space. It transcends earthly limits, connecting us in ways that are both profound and unexplainable. The Blessing of Eternal Love Scripture reminds us of love’s permanence. In Romans 8:38-39, Paul writes: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This truth offers immense comfort. If God’s love for us is unchanging and eternal, so too is the love we share with others. Bob’s physical presence may be absent, but the bond we created remains intact, woven into the fabric of my life and my faith. As I move forward, I do so with the knowledge that loving Bob was—and continues to be—one of the greatest joys of my life. I will never “move on” from that love, because it is not something to be left behind. Instead, I carry it with me, allowing it to shape my actions, decisions, and relationships. Redefining Grief Grief is not about letting go; it’s about holding on to what matters while finding a way to live fully in the present. It’s a process of integrating loss into life, of continuing to love and honor those we’ve lost while embracing the blessings that remain. Final Thoughts Love doesn’t end, and neither should the way we honor it. Moving forward means cherishing the love we’ve known and allowing it to guide us into the future. My love for Bob is not a chapter to close but a story that continues to unfold. And as I walk this journey, I do so with gratitude for the love that shaped me and the promise that it will one day reunite us in Heaven.

The Role of School Counselors

Continuing to Spread Love and Kindness

If all you can do this week is just to trudge through each day and put one foot in front of the other and breathe, that’s enough. This week can be difficult for those of us who lost our spouse. Valentine's Day is so focused on romantic love. It's perfectly okay to allow that some days are just like that, especially for those of us with an empty chair at the table and a hole in our hearts. This week, especially Friday, February 14, might be one of those days for you, and if it is, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Letting Go of Expectations Grief is heavy enough without adding the weight of others’ expectations—or your own. There is no rulebook for how you should feel or what you should accomplish on difficult days. It’s okay if all you do today is exist. Please don’t measure yourself against standards that don’t fit where you are right now. Your journey is yours alone, and surviving today is a victory worth celebrating. When the weight of grief feels unbearable, finding even the smallest joys can help you move forward. Whether it’s the warmth of a cup of coffee, the embrace of a loved one, or the sound of your favorite song, these little moments of light can make a big difference. Embrace what brings you comfort and lean on the support system you have. You Are Enough You are enough, exactly as you are today. The pain you’re carrying doesn’t diminish your worth or your strength. Surviving a difficult day requires courage, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, you’re showing that courage right now. Remember, healing isn’t linear, and some days just surviving is more than enough. The Power of Breathing Breathing might seem like the simplest act, but on hard days, it’s also one of the most profound. Taking a moment to focus on your breath—to inhale deeply and exhale slowly—can ground you in the present. It’s a small act of self-care, a reminder that you are alive and that each breath is a step toward healing. Remember that those relationships we cherish don’t end when life changes. Instead, we carry them with us. Their love and influence remain a part of us, shaping who we are and guiding us even in their absence. Final Thoughts This week with the anticipation of Valentine's Day and then the day itself may be difficult, but you’re doing enough. By simply taking one step at a time, you are showing incredible strength. Be kind to yourself and remember: you’re not alone in this journey. You are enough, and you’re doing the best you can. That is more than enough.