Carrying His Glimmer

A glimmer is a micro moment of feeling safe enough, connected enough, organized enough. It's those small moments that spark joy or peace, which can help cue our nervous system to feel safe or calm. (It's the opposite of a trigger that makes us feel anxious or "less than".) That is so much what he brought to my life. I was safe and "enough" as long as I was with him.

The Light He Brought to My Life

But, he not only brought this to my life as he was "my person" as they say in today's terms, he also brought light to all who crossed his path. When he first moved to Heaven, one of the first things most people told me about was his laugh. He simply exuded joy. I want to carry that forward. I learned so many things from him over those 38 years that I got to be his. The joy he carried is probably one of the best lessons.

He not only left behind a trail of light that we will never forget, but he also left behind the love and lessons to find that light. He found joy in simply watching children. The day of our wedding, he went to watch a little league baseball game in the park across the street from the church. He didn't know any of the children, yet he saw joy in watching them play. And, when we had our children, he found such joy in being a Dad. During one of his early morning Bible Studies, the group was talking about a concrete object that brought joy and showed God and love to others. He doodled a Ninja Turtle. When I found it in his Bible one day as I was sharing it, I asked about it. He told me the back story of the Bible Study and explained that David loved Ninja Turtles and seeing him at play brought him such joy and being able to be his father showed him that God loved him. This brought a tear to my eye that day and continues to bring those tears today, but they are happy tears. They remind me of the joy he sought each and every day.

Carrying the Glimmer Forward

So, as I journey through this life carrying him with me, I try to carry that glimmer as well. (I will admit that I have those "pity party" times, where I miss him terribly. Yet, even then, I am reminded of that great love that left this great void of grief.)

If you're still new to this grief thing and having trouble finding your glimmer, I've listed some that come to mind as I think back over our journey:

• Feeling the warmth of the sun: He loved to take a nap in the car, especially as his health waned and he was always so cold. The warmth of the sun as it beamed through the windshield gave him peace enough to rest.
• Sensing the cool, salty ocean air: We loved the ocean and visited at least once a year to Madeira Beach. The memories I hold of both he and my Dad are priceless.
• The smell of cut grass: His lawn was always immaculate, and he took pride in taking care of it himself. And, I weeded and cleaned the flower gardens as he cut and trimmed the grass. The smell reminds me of our time together and his pride in our home.
• Seeing a rainbow: The evening that Daddy joined Bob in Heaven, a double rainbow shown over Mom's house. We remain convinced that was Dad telling us that he and Bob were okay.
• Smelling steak or some other scent of remembrance: Those special dates where it was just He and I will remain special.
• And many others too numerous to mention.

Conclusion: Embracing Joy and Love

These glimmers, these small moments of joy and peace, are what help me navigate the complex and often painful journey of grief. They are reminders of the love and light he brought into my life and the lives of everyone he touched. By focusing on these moments, I can find comfort and strength to move forward.

Thanks for the joy - yesterday and today! Love always!!