Our First Christmas in Grief: 2020

Elevated Above Angels

Sharing Your Story as a Survival Guide

The start of a new year is a moment that often brings hope, anticipation, and the promise of new beginnings. But for those of us who have lost someone dear, it can also serve as a harsh reminder of their absence. As I step into yet another year without my amazing husband—the love of my life, our children’s father, and our grandchildren’s beloved Papa—I find myself reflecting on the journey that has brought me to this point. Reluctance to Embrace 2021 I remember how I felt as 2020 ended and the clock ticked toward 2021. The thought of entering a year that he would never be a part of felt unbearable. How could I celebrate the arrival of something he wouldn’t live to see? In those moments, the concept of time itself seemed cruel, a relentless force moving forward without him. That first New Year’s Eve without him was quiet, somber, and filled with tears. I didn’t feel ready to say goodbye to a year that still held his presence, even in its final days. But time, as it always does, marched on, and I had no choice but to follow. Learning to Navigate the Passage of Time As I prepare to enter another year without him, I’ve learned that grief changes shape but never truly fades. The pain of his absence has become a part of me, woven into the fabric of who I am. Each new year brings a mix of emotions—a sense of resilience for having made it this far and a renewed ache for all the moments he’ll never share with us. But I’ve also discovered ways to honor him as I move forward. Rather than viewing the new year as a chapter without him, I try to see it as an extension of the love and memories we shared. His influence continues to guide me, shaping my decisions and inspiring the ways I support our family. Keeping His Spirit Alive As the calendar turns, I find solace in keeping his spirit alive through the traditions and values he held dear. Acts of Generosity: He had a heart full of kindness, and I honor him by giving to others in his name. These acts feel like a continuation of his legacy. Family Gatherings: He was the glue that held us together, and I strive to maintain that sense of unity. Our family dinners, celebrations, and quiet moments together are a tribute to the love he nurtured. Just his New Year celebration, two of our grandchildren chose to celebrate with me. The one most like him - ever the social one, having never met a stranger - was spending the night with friends. The other two wanted to spend the night with me. I felt honored. Their parents got to have a quiet night together, and I had company. I felt his hand in organizing that, continuing to take care of me just as he always did. Personal Growth: He believed in living fully and embracing opportunities for growth. Each year, I set small goals for myself, not just to improve but to live in a way that would make him proud. Acknowledging the Challenges The transition into a new year is not without its challenges. Certain milestones, anniversaries, and memories bring waves of grief that can feel overwhelming. I’ve learned to give myself grace in those moments, recognizing that it’s okay to feel both sadness and hope. For our children and grandchildren, the beginning of a new year can be confusing. How do you reconcile moving forward with holding on to the past? I remind them, and myself, that love transcends time. While he may not be physically with us, his presence is felt in our laughter, our tears, and the ways we care for one another. Finding Strength in Faith Faith has been a cornerstone of my journey through grief. The promise of eternal life and the hope of being reunited with him one day bring comfort in my darkest moments. Each new year is an opportunity to deepen my faith and trust in the path God has laid before me. Looking Ahead With Love As I face another year without him, I choose to focus on the love that remains. He may not be here to celebrate birthdays, milestones, or ordinary days, but his influence is woven into the fabric of our lives. His laughter, wisdom, and kindness live on in our hearts, shaping the way we move forward. To anyone beginning a new year without someone they love, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to grieve, to feel reluctant, and to take your time finding your footing. The pain of loss may never fully leave, but neither does the love. And it is that love that carries us into each new year, giving us the strength to honor their memory while embracing the life still ahead. As this new year begins, I carry him with me, not just as a memory but as a guiding light. And with every step forward, I hold onto the hope that one day, we will meet again.

The transition back to school after winter break can be a time of mixed emotions for students. While some return refreshed and eager to re-engage, others may face challenges as they adjust back to the structure of school life. For students who experienced difficulties during the break, such as grief, financial hardship, or family instability, this transition can be particularly stressful. School counselors play a crucial role in helping students navigate this period with care and intention. Below are strategies to support students as they return from winter break.  Conducting Check-Ins with Students Reconnecting with students individually or in small groups can help identify those who may need additional support: One-on-One Meetings: Schedule short, informal check-ins with students you identified as at-risk before the break to assess their well-being. Classroom Visits: Spend time in classrooms to observe student behavior and offer a visible presence of support. Student Surveys: Distribute a simple survey to gauge how students are feeling about their return to school and whether they need help with specific issues. Rebuilding Routines Many students struggle with the transition from the unstructured days of winter break to the routines of school. Help them regain a sense of stability by: Classroom Workshops: Offer sessions on time management and organization to ease the adjustment back to school schedules. Goal Setting Activities: Encourage students to set academic and personal goals for the remainder of the school year. Mindfulness Exercises: Teach mindfulness or relaxation techniques to help students manage feelings of stress or overwhelm. Providing Emotional Support For students who faced challenges over the break, emotional support is critical. Focus on: Grief Counseling: Offer individual or group counseling for students coping with the loss of a loved one during the holidays. Conflict Resolution: Provide a safe space for students dealing with family or peer conflicts to share their feelings and find constructive solutions. Empathy and Understanding: Normalize a range of emotions and let students know it’s okay to feel sad, anxious, or disconnected. Collaborating with Teachers and Staff Teachers are often the first to notice changes in student behavior or mood. Work closely with them to provide holistic support: Training: Equip teachers with strategies to recognize signs of distress and refer students to the counseling office when needed. Communication: Share insights about at-risk students (while maintaining confidentiality) to ensure coordinated support. Classroom Activities: Suggest classroom exercises, such as gratitude journaling or team-building games, to foster a positive and inclusive environment. Connecting Families to Resources Some challenges that students face require the involvement of their families. Counselors can play a key role in bridging the gap between school and home: Parent Outreach: Reach out to families to discuss how their child is adjusting and provide guidance on fostering a supportive home environment. Community Resources: Share information about local food banks, counseling services, or after-school programs for families in need. Workshops for Parents: Host sessions on topics such as managing post-holiday stress, financial planning, or fostering resilience in children. Addressing Academic Concerns The post-break period is a good time to refocus students on their academic goals. Support students by: Academic Planning: Meet with students to review their progress and create action plans for success. Tutoring Programs: Connect struggling students with peer or professional tutors to help them catch up. Encouragement: Celebrate small wins and remind students that it’s never too late to improve. Promoting a Positive School Climate Creating an inclusive and supportive school environment benefits all students. Consider initiatives such as: Welcome Back Activities: Organize events or assemblies to celebrate the new semester and foster community spirit. Student Recognition: Highlight positive behaviors or achievements to boost morale. Peer Support Groups: Encourage students to form groups where they can share experiences and offer support to one another. Final Thoughts Returning from winter break is a pivotal time for students, and school counselors play a vital role in ensuring a smooth transition. By focusing on emotional well-being, academic support, and community-building, counselors can help students feel valued and empowered to succeed. Through collaboration, empathy, and proactive strategies, school counselors can make the post-break period a positive and productive time for all.

As the holiday season unfolds, we find ourselves approaching our fifth Christmas without our patriarch—my amazing husband, our children’s devoted father, and our grandchildren’s cherished Papa. This season, once a time of unbridled joy and family traditions, has evolved into a bittersweet blend of love, remembrance, and resilience. Each year brings its own unique challenges, but it also offers opportunities for healing and growth. The Weight of Absence Holidays are inherently steeped in tradition, and for our family, many of those traditions were led by him. Whether it was his laughter echoing through the house, his carefully chosen gifts, or the way he made each family member feel special, his presence was the heart of our celebrations. Last Christmas, his empty recliner was a stark reminder of our loss that I began sitting in it. It was as if I suddenly heard him tell that I carried a part of him with me, so it was fine to sit in "our" chair together. I couldn't sit in it prior to that. It was HIS chair. Yet, now it brings me comfort. That is but one example of how grief is a companion that evolves. While the first Christmas felt like an insurmountable wave of sadness, subsequent years have taught us how to carry his memory with grace. (Well, actually Bob would probably disagree. We laughed often at how I seem to stumble and bumble through life. Mom got all the grace. But, we're trying.) This fifth Christmas, we feel his absence deeply, but we also cherish the indelible mark he left on our hearts. Honoring His Legacy Over the years, we’ve found ways to honor him during the holiday season, blending old traditions with new ones. Here are some ways we continue to celebrate his life and legacy: Sharing Stories: We often share our favorite memories of him. These stories bring laughter, tears, and a sense of connection that bridges the past and present. A Special Ornament: The first Christmas, our son and I were in a little craft store in Nashville, where they paint customized ornaments. We had one painted with Bob's face on it. It sits out all year along with a pink ornament from our first tree as a symbol that the is always with us. His Stocking: We continue to put our his stocking as he is still part of us. Each of us put mementos and letters to carry on our own individual traditions with him. Acts of Kindness: He was a man of great generosity, so we honor his spirit by performing acts of kindness in his name, such as donating to Wounded Warriors and other projects close to his heart. Acknowledging the Mixed Emotions The holiday season often stirs a whirlwind of emotions: joy, sadness, gratitude, and longing. It’s important to give ourselves and our family permission to feel all of it. Grief doesn’t follow a linear path, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate the holidays without him. For our grandchildren, who are still growing and learning to process their emotions, we’ve made space for their questions and feelings. They may not have the same depth of memories we do, but they know how much Papa loved them. We remind them of his legacy through photos, scrapbooks, stories, and by continuing the traditions he started with them. Finding Comfort in Faith and Togetherness Our faith has been an anchor through these years. The message of Christmas—hope, love, and the promise of eternal life—resonates even more deeply now. We find solace in knowing that his spirit lives on and that one day, we will see him again, hug him again, look into those beautiful eyes, and hear that laughter. As a family, we’ve also learned the importance of leaning on one another. The holidays are a time to draw strength from our shared love and the bonds that continue to grow despite our loss. These shared experiences remind us that we are not alone in our grief. Looking Ahead With Love This fifth Christmas is a milestone, a testament to our resilience as a family. While his absence will always be felt, his love remains a guiding light. He taught us how to cherish one another, find joy in the simple things, and approach life with a generous heart. These lessons are his gift to us, a gift we carry forward with every Christmas yet to come. To anyone walking a similar path of grief this holiday season, know that it’s okay to feel the weight of your loss while also embracing moments of joy. Grief and celebration can coexist, and in honoring your loved one, you keep their spirit alive in the most meaningful way. As we gather this year, we do so with hearts full of gratitude for the love he gave us and the memories that continue to sustain us. Merry Christmas to all who carry the bittersweet blend of loss and love. May we find peace, comfort, and a renewed sense of hope this holiday season.

A Guide for School Counselors

School counselor Responsibilities during the christmas Season

Lessons from John 21

Engaging Winter Holiday Activities for School Counselors