Learning to Lean on the Lord in the Midst of Grief

It's interesting that the timing of writing these memories came at Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for the love story we shared, and I'm thankful for your Godly leadership.

I began this devotional soon after I found myself in this terrible club that no one wants to belong to. It was quite helpful as the author was a widow herself. I learned almost right away that no one can really understand the pain of losing your soulmate unless they've actually walked the journey. It was difficult listening to and reading platitudes from those who didn't quite understand, so I sought the wisdom of those who did.

Yet, I also have felt from the very beginning that I don't want anyone to have to go through this pain, so it's a conundrum. I want people to understand, but they can't unless they have experienced this journey. So, I continue to remind myself not to be too harsh on others. I didn't understand before I was here, even though I thought I did.

A Moment of Realization

One of the first paragraphs said, "I wrapped my arms around another widow as she wept. It may have been a normal Sunday morning in everyone else's life, but it was the first Sunday that this widow had walked into church alone." It reminded me of the first Sunday that I tried to go to church alone. David had been going with me to service, but this Sunday he wasn't there. I drove into the parking lot and realized that I would have to park and walk in. It was just a way of life when you were here. I took it so for granted, but I realized that I had never walked from the parking lot into church. I realized that I didn't walk from the parking lot on very many occasions anywhere. You had always dropped me off at the door, parked, and met me at the entrance. I didn't make it into church that day. I did park, but then proceeded to have a major grief wash and just couldn't pull myself together enough to go in. I did later learn to lean on Him and make it into church, but it took some real discipline on my part.

A line in the introduction says, "We are the ones whose hearts are gone, but whose bodies remain." That is so right. I still feel (and probably always will) that part of me went with you. But, I try to remember that if that is true, then part of you remained with me. And, I can feel those parts most of the time - the wonderful memories, the love, and the strength.

Thanksgiving has always been a time of gratitude and reflection. This year, as I write and remember, I am profoundly thankful for the time we had together, for the love we shared, and for the lessons in faith and resilience. Your Godly leadership continues to guide me, and I find solace in knowing that part of you is still with me, helping me navigate this journey of grief and healing.