Susan Rardon
Rose, Ph.D.
There’s a profound sense of love that comes with a lasting love, a long marriage, that transcends physical presence, a bond that doesn’t weaken just because he is no longer with me. As we are thirteen days from four years, grief has evolved, from the sharp pain of loss to a quiet understanding that love, once given, never truly fades. And while he may not walk beside me anymore, I am still walking through life with him — because he's in my heart with every single step I take.
In the early days of walking this lonely journey, the absence felt unbearable. The routines he once shared, the conversations that filled the spaces between the day, were suddenly silenced. The world felt colder, emptier. And, it actually was. It's amazing how many people simply step away, because it's uncomfortable. It's almost as if they think loss may be contagious. And yet, over time, I've realize that he hasn’t completely left. He may not be physically present, but the essence of he he was — his love, his spirit, the impact he had on my life remains.
Every time I face a challenge, I can hear his voice in the back of my mind, offering comfort and advice. When something beautiful happens, I feel his joy — and hear his ever present laugh — woven into the experience. When I’m sad or unsure, I sense his guidance, as though he's reminding me of the strength he always believed I had. He's not gone; he's just present in a different way.
This journey of love and remembrance is something many of us go through. We realize that the ones we’ve lost have left an indelible mark on our hearts, and in doing so, they continue to walk with us. Every memory we cherish becomes a step forward, every lesson they taught us becomes a guidepost along the path. Their influence shapes our decisions, their love fuels our perseverance.
For me, it’s the little things — a song that he loved, a scent of his favorite foods, a quiet moment by our gardens and his special memorial garden. These everyday experiences are infused with his presence, as though he's saying, “I’m still here.” I even talk to him quite frequently. People might say I'm talking to myself, but that's not true. He's here. He's always with me. His love remains.
Grief doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the memory of someone with us, honoring the way they shaped our lives. And in that sense, we never truly walk alone. We continue the journey, knowing that the love we shared hasn’t disappeared; it has simply transformed. It’s there, with every decision, every joy, every sorrow. It’s part of who we are now.
So while he may not be by my side in the way he once was, I know he's still with me. He left a part of him with me, because two became one on that June 4th day in 1983. And in that quiet knowing, I find strength. Every step I take, he's walking with me, tucked away in my heart, guiding me forward. And for that, I am endlessly grateful.
The pain of losing someone can be overwhelming, but over time, we come to realize that love isn’t bound by physical presence. Whether it’s a loved one, a friend, or someone who deeply impacted our lives, they remain with us through the ways they shaped us. We carry them in our hearts, and with every step we take, they are right there beside us, reminding us that love endures, even in absence.
No matter where life takes me, I will always walk with him. He may not be by my side anymore, but he is part of every single step, and his love continues to light my way.
I am a school counselor turned counselor educator, professor, and author helping educators and parents to build social, emotional, and academic growth in ALL kids! The school counseling blog delivers both advocacy as well as strategies to help you deliver your best school counseling program.
I'm a mother, grandmother, professor, author, and wife (I'll always be his). Until October 20, 2020, I lived with my husband, Robert (Bob) Rose, in Louisville, Ky. On that awful day of October 20,2020, my life profoundly changed, when this amazing man went on to Heaven. After Bob moved to Heaven, I embraced my love of writing as an outlet for grief. Hence, the Grief Blog is my attempt to share what I learned as a Counselor in education with what I am learning through this experience of walking this earth without him. My mission is to help those in grief move forward to see joy beyond this most painful time.
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