Updated October 2026

How childhood experiences, cultural messages, and supportive relationships shape self-image

The Impact of Childhood on Adult Self-Image

“It is easier to build a child than to repair an adult.”

That familiar saying offers an important reminder about the influence of childhood experiences. The words children hear, the relationships they experience, and the messages they receive about their worth can become part of how they understand themselves.

Yet, we are the children who become adults.

Our self-image does not suddenly emerge when we reach adulthood. It develops over time, shaped by interactions with family members, peers, educators, and the larger culture. Children begin forming beliefs about their abilities, appearance, relationships, and personal value long before they fully understand how those beliefs may influence their choices.

Some messages encourage confidence and belonging. Others may create insecurity, comparison, or the feeling that acceptance must be earned.

As school counselors and educators, we cannot control every influence in a child’s life. But we can be intentional about the messages we communicate and the environments we help create.

We may not determine how children see themselves, but we can help them recognize their worth.

Learning from History: When Perception Shapes Beauty

Throughout history, society has repeatedly changed its definition of beauty.

Consider Marilyn Monroe. During the twentieth century, she became one of the most recognizable symbols of glamour and attractiveness. Her image helped define a particular cultural ideal, just as other public figures have influenced expectations in different generations.

But cultural ideals are not permanent truths. What one generation celebrates, another may question or replace.

Princess Diana offers another historical illustration. From her marriage into the British royal family through the remainder of her public life, her appearance, clothing, and personal circumstances attracted extraordinary media attention. The public saw countless photographs and headlines, but those images could never provide a complete understanding of the person behind them.

Both women remind us of an important distinction: public image and personal identity are not the same thing.

Admiration, popularity, beauty, and success do not establish a person’s worth. Nor do they tell us everything about how that person understands herself.

These historical examples matter because the same pressures have not disappeared. They have simply taken new forms.

From Magazine Covers to Social Media

For previous generations, messages about beauty often arrived through movies, magazines, television, and advertising. Today’s students encounter those influences alongside social media feeds, edited photographs, filters, influencers, and a nearly constant opportunity for comparison.

The technology has changed, but the underlying message can sound familiar: You would be more attractive, more successful, or more accepted if you looked different.

Singer and actress Selena Gomez has spoken publicly about experiencing body-shaming through social media. In interviews, she has described the emotional impact of comments about her appearance and the importance of developing a healthier relationship with online platforms.

Her experience offers a contemporary counterpart to the public scrutiny surrounding earlier generations of celebrities. Even people who receive widespread admiration can encounter criticism about their appearance.

For students, however, these pressures are not limited to famous individuals. A photograph, comment, joke, or comparison among classmates can become a powerful message about belonging and acceptance.

This is why media literacy must include more than recognizing advertisements or identifying altered images. Students also need opportunities to question the standards they encounter and consider whether those standards deserve influence over their self-worth.

A useful question to teach students is:

Who benefits when I believe I am not good enough as I am?

Sometimes the answer involves marketing. Sometimes it involves peer expectations. And sometimes the pressure comes from comparisons we have learned to make ourselves.

Helping students recognize these influences is an important part of helping them develop a healthier self-image.

What Research in Fiji Taught Us About Cultural Messages

One of the most compelling historical examples of changing body-image expectations comes from research conducted in Fiji during the 1990s.

Before television became widely available in the region studied, traditional cultural attitudes toward body size differed in important ways from the thinness ideals commonly presented in Western media.

Researchers Anne Becker and her colleagues examined eating attitudes and behaviors among adolescent girls in Fiji before and after the introduction of television.

Their 2002 study compared samples of schoolgirls surveyed in 1995 and 1998. The proportion scoring above a threshold associated with elevated disordered-eating attitudes increased from 12.7% to 29.2%. Reports of self-induced vomiting for weight control also increased between the two samples.

Interviews suggested that some girls had become interested in changing their bodies to resemble characters they watched on television.

The study did not establish that television alone caused these changes. Cultural influences are complex, and the researchers examined different groups of students at the two points in time. Nevertheless, the findings provided important evidence that exposure to new media ideals may influence how young people evaluate their bodies (Becker et al., 2002).

Think about what that means for today’s students.

If television could introduce powerful new appearance expectations within a relatively short period, what questions should we be asking about the volume and variety of images students now encounter through social media?

The lesson is not that every media image is harmful or that all students respond in the same way.

Rather, it is that the standards young people encounter can influence the standards they begin applying to themselves.

That realization gives educators an important opportunity to help students become thoughtful consumers of cultural messages rather than passive recipients of them.

The Messages Children Receive from Adults

While media influences deserve attention, some of the most meaningful messages children receive come through everyday relationships.

Parents and caregivers play an important role in the development of self-image. Children notice how adults speak about them, how they respond to mistakes, how they discuss appearance, and how they describe their own bodies and abilities.

A child who regularly hears encouragement, experiences acceptance, and receives support during difficult moments may develop a stronger sense of security and belonging.

Conversely, repeated criticism, comparison, ridicule, or conditional approval can contribute to negative beliefs about the self.

These influences are important, but they are not absolute. No single comment or relationship determines a child’s future, and people can develop healthier self-perceptions throughout life.

That distinction matters.

Our goal should not be to make parents feel responsible for every insecurity their children experience. Instead, we want to help families recognize the power of consistent, supportive interactions.

We can encourage adults to notice the difference between praising appearance and recognizing character, effort, growth, kindness, creativity, and perseverance.

For example, rather than focusing primarily on how a child looks, we might say:

• “I noticed how you included someone who was sitting alone.”

• “You kept trying even when that was difficult.”

• “You showed courage when you asked for help.”

• “I appreciate the way you treated your classmate.”

• “You matter to me, even when things don’t go as planned.”

These messages help children recognize that their value extends beyond appearance, achievement, or approval from others.

A Classroom Experience That Makes Us Think

Actress and advocate Jameela Jamil has shared a particularly meaningful childhood experience.

In an interview, she described being weighed publicly during a classroom mathematics activity when she was approximately eleven years old. According to her account, the experience led to ridicule from classmates and significantly changed how she viewed her body.

Her story raises an important question for educators:

What might seem like an ordinary classroom activity to an adult, but feel deeply personal or embarrassing to a child?

The lesson is not that teachers must avoid every activity involving personal information. It is that educators should consider students’ dignity, privacy, developmental needs, and individual circumstances when planning instruction.

A lesson about averages, graphs, or data collection can be taught without publicly comparing students’ bodies.

Likewise, classroom comments about appearance, weight, physical development, or personal characteristics may have consequences that extend beyond the moment.

We may not always know which experiences students will remember. That is one reason intentionality matters.

As school counselors, we can help educators consider how everyday interactions contribute to a climate of respect and belonging.

Sometimes building students up begins with ensuring that our practices do not unintentionally tear them down.

The School Counselor’s Role in Building Healthy Self-Image

School counselors are uniquely positioned to support healthy self-image because our work connects student development, relationships, learning, and school climate.

Through comprehensive school counseling programs, we can help students develop self-awareness, recognize personal strengths, build healthy relationships, and navigate social pressures.

This work is not limited to responding when a student expresses dissatisfaction with appearance.

It also includes preventive and developmental practices that help students understand their worth before negative beliefs become deeply established.

School counselors can contribute by providing classroom instruction on self-awareness, belonging, respect, and responsible decision-making; offering appropriate brief individual or small-group support; consulting with teachers; collaborating with families; and advocating for school practices that protect student dignity.

We also have an important role in recognizing when concerns extend beyond the scope of school-based counseling.

Persistent distress about appearance, significant changes in eating behaviors, or other signs of possible mental health concerns may warrant additional assessment and referral to qualified healthcare or mental health professionals, consistent with school procedures and professional responsibilities.

School counselors are not expected to resolve every influence on student self-image or provide long-term clinical treatment.

Our contribution is to strengthen protective relationships, promote healthy development, respond appropriately to concerns, and help students access additional support when needed.

Practical Ways to Build Our Students Up

Helping students develop healthy self-image requires more than occasional positive affirmations. It calls for consistent practices that communicate respect, belonging, and the possibility of growth.

1. Create environments where students feel they belong

Students benefit from classrooms and school communities where differences are respected, participation is encouraged, and ridicule is addressed.

Belonging grows through everyday experiences: being greeted, included, listened to, and treated with dignity.

2. Recognize strengths beyond appearance and achievement

Help students identify qualities such as kindness, curiosity, perseverance, honesty, creativity, responsibility, and compassion.

Encouragement is most meaningful when it is specific, authentic, and connected to actions or growth rather than constant comparison with others.

3. Teach students to question media messages

Discuss advertising, edited images, social media comparisons, and the ways cultural expectations change over time.

Encourage students to recognize that online images rarely tell the whole story and that popularity does not determine personal worth.

4. Strengthen positive peer relationships

Provide opportunities for cooperation, inclusion, empathy, and respectful communication.

Address teasing, exclusion, and bullying consistently. Students should know that seeking adult support is appropriate when peer interactions become harmful.

5. Partner with families and caregivers

Share practical ways families can reinforce healthy self-image through supportive conversations, respectful language, and attention to children’s developing interests and strengths.

Encourage adults to avoid unnecessary comparisons and appearance-based judgments, including negative comments about their own bodies.

6. Encourage meaningful participation and contribution

Give students opportunities to make choices, develop skills, express creativity, solve problems, and contribute to their communities.

Experiences of competence, connection, and contribution can help students develop a sense of identity that extends beyond how others evaluate them.

7. Respond with sensitivity when students struggle

Not every student will respond to praise or reassurance in the same way. Some may need time, trusted relationships, additional support, or referral to appropriate professionals.

Listen without minimizing concerns. Avoid assuming that a student who appears confident is necessarily free from insecurity.

Building students up begins with understanding them as individuals.

Helping Children Recognize Their Worth

Throughout history, standards of beauty have shifted. Public figures have been admired, scrutinized, and compared. New technologies have introduced new opportunities for connection—and new opportunities for criticism.

Yet one need remains constant.

Children need to know that they are valued.

They need adults who recognize their strengths, support their development, respect their differences, and help them navigate the challenges of growing up.

As school counselors and educators, we cannot guarantee that students will never question their abilities, appearance, or belonging. Nor should we suggest that confidence means never experiencing insecurity.

What we can do is create opportunities for students to develop a more balanced and compassionate understanding of themselves.

We can help them recognize that mistakes do not erase their strengths, that appearance does not determine their worth, and that belonging should not depend on meeting someone else’s definition of perfection.

I began with the familiar saying, “It is easier to build a child than to repair an adult.”

There is wisdom in emphasizing the importance of childhood experiences. But I would add an equally important truth: human beings remain capable of growth, healing, and change throughout life.

Early support matters not because adulthood is beyond repair, but because every child deserves opportunities to develop a healthy sense of self from the beginning.

Our responsibility is not to create a child’s worth. It is to help that child recognize it.

And that is what it means to build our students up.

References

Becker, A. E., Burwell, R. A., Gilman, S. E., Herzog, D. B., & Hamburg, P. (2002). Eating behaviours and attitudes following prolonged exposure to television among ethnic Fijian adolescent girls. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 180(6), 509–514. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.180.6.509

Body Image Movement. (n.d.). Jameela Jamil. https://www.bodyimagemovement.com/story/jameela-jamil/

Gardner, A. (2019, November 13). Selena Gomez says body-shaming on social media “really messed me up.” Allure. https://www.allure.com/story/selena-gomez-body-shaming-social-media