Susan Rardon
Rose, Ph.D.
Thanksgiving is a time to gather, reflect, and express gratitude for the blessings in our lives. But for those who have lost a spouse or loved one, this holiday can feel like a bittersweet reminder of their absence. The empty chair at the table, the traditions once shared, and the laughter that now feels quieter can bring a wave of longing and sorrow. Yet, even in the midst of grief, there is an opportunity to find something profound — not in denying the pain of loss, but in embracing the love and memories that remain.
My father always said, you find what you're looking for. If you're looking for positivity, you'll find it; if you're looking for negativity, you'll find that as well. As I've walked this grief journey, I've tried to remember that and look for ways to honor Bob rather than ways to focus on my own loneliness without him. In this mindset, we often discover what we didn’t realize we were searching for. We find healing in the laughter that bubbles up unexpectedly rather than feeling guilty that we are happy. We find connection in the shared memories that make their way to the surface. We find peace in knowing that, even in their absence, their love is still very much a part of our lives.
Every moment spent with a loved one is a gift, and though their absence is deeply felt, Thanksgiving offers an opportunity to reflect on the joy they brought to our lives. We find their presence in the stories we share, the traditions we uphold, and the lessons they’ve taught us. We see them in the way the family comes together, the recipes they passed down, and the love they’ve left behind. Grief isn’t just about what’s missing; it’s also about what remains. Each memory is a treasure, a reminder of the profound blessing their presence was. My current daily reminder to myself is to be thankful for the love story.
Gratitude doesn’t erase grief, but it can coexist with it. By focusing on what you had rather than solely on what you’ve lost, you honor their memory in a way that uplifts your spirit and allows their love to remain a part of your celebration. The empty chair isn’t just a symbol of loss; it’s also a symbol of the enduring presence of love, the foundation of hope, and the promise of peace.
While grief often focuses our hearts on what has been lost, Thanksgiving is a gentle reminder to also see the blessings of the present. The friends and family who surround you, the support you’ve received during your journey of loss, and the resilience you’ve discovered within yourself are all reasons for gratitude.
Even if this Thanksgiving feels quieter or different, look for moments of beauty and connection—a kind word, a smile, or the simple comfort of a shared meal. These small blessings remind us that life, even in its pain, continues to offer glimpses of grace.
Being thankful for your lost loved one doesn’t mean you are leaving them behind. Instead, it’s an acknowledgment that their life continues to shape yours. Their love, wisdom, and presence have left an indelible mark on your heart, and remembering them on Thanksgiving is a way of keeping their spirit alive.
Share a story, look through photos, or write them a letter expressing your gratitude. These acts of remembrance can be both healing and comforting, allowing you to feel their presence in a way that uplifts your heart.
Gratitude doesn’t diminish grief; it deepens it by allowing us to fully acknowledge the love we had and the loss we feel. On this Thanksgiving, let your heart hold both. Be thankful for the time you had with your loved one, even as you mourn their absence. Let their memory be a source of comfort, a reminder of the love that continues to surround you.
Thanksgiving invites us to look beyond the surface of our pain and discover the blessings interwoven with our loss.
Lord, as I sit at the table with an empty chair, I feel the weight of my loss. But I also feel the depth of my gratitude. Thank you for the love we shared and the memories that remain. Help me to see Your presence in my grief and to find what I’m looking for: peace, hope, and the reassurance that love never truly ends. Amen.
This Thanksgiving, may the empty chair remind us not only of who we’ve lost but also of the love and legacy they’ve left behind. As we gather, reflect, and give thanks, let us embrace the gifts they gave us, knowing that in doing so, we find what we’re truly searching for: a connection to their spirit and a deeper gratitude for the time we had together.
I am a school counselor turned counselor educator, professor, and author helping educators and parents to build social, emotional, and academic growth in ALL kids! The school counseling blog delivers both advocacy as well as strategies to help you deliver your best school counseling program.
I'm a mother, grandmother, professor, author, and wife (I'll always be his). Until October 20, 2020, I lived with my husband, Robert (Bob) Rose, in Louisville, Ky. On that awful day of October 20,2020, my life profoundly changed, when this amazing man went on to Heaven. After Bob moved to Heaven, I embraced my love of writing as an outlet for grief. Hence, the Grief Blog is my attempt to share what I learned as a Counselor in education with what I am learning through this experience of walking this earth without him. My mission is to help those in grief move forward to see joy beyond this most painful time.
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