Susan Rardon
Rose, Ph.D.
Grace in the Face of Loss
This truth has become a mantra for me in this season of life.
As we move into February, a month filled with the reminders of love and togetherness brought by Valentine’s Day, I’m reminded of this reality again and again. People honestly do try to understand, but they just can’t—and that’s okay.
The Depth of Loss
Before I lost my amazing husband and Daddy within ten months of each other, I thought I understood deep loss. I had seen others grieve, and I had offered my support, believing I was empathetic. I had grieved myself for my grandparents and others, but these were "in order" losses. We somehow don't even allow ourselves to think of losing our spouse. It's too painful! When it became my reality at what I consider a relatively young age - 56, I could never have fathomed the sheer weight of it—how it changes your world and reshapes every aspect of your life.
This realization has helped me navigate interactions with others who try to offer comfort but sometimes miss the mark. Their words may not always land the way they intend, but I’ve learned to give grace. They mean well, even if their expressions of support come across as awkward or even hurt
This humorous analogy also helps me put things into perspective. While others may try to offer advice or comfort, they often lack the lived experience to truly understand.
Giving Grace
Giving grace to others in the midst of grief isn’t always easy. When someone says something that feels dismissive or out of touch, it’s tempting to respond with frustration or anger. But I’ve come to see those moments as opportunities to reflect on their intent rather than their delivery. People who haven’t experienced this kind of loss can’t fully grasp it, and for that, I’m truly glad. Their lack of understanding means they haven’t endured this level of pain—and that’s a good thing.
The Importance of Community
During this time, I’ve leaned heavily on my support system—the people who show up, listen, and walk alongside me without trying to fix or explain my grief. These relationships are a reminder that while not everyone can understand, those who care can still make a profound difference. They provide the strength and encouragement I need to keep going, even on the hardest days.
The Blessing of Unbroken Hearts
When I think about those who struggle to understand my grief, I’m reminded of how fortunate they are. They’ve been spared the heartbreak of losing someone so integral to their lives. And while I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, I’m grateful for the perspective it has given me. It has taught me to hold space for others’ well-meaning but imperfect attempts to offer comfort, trusting that their intentions come from a place of care.
Final Thoughts
If you’re grieving and find yourself frustrated by the well-meaning but misguided words of others, remember this: their lack of understanding is a testament to the fact that they haven’t walked this painful path. Give grace, not only to them but to yourself. You don’t have to explain or justify your feelings. Your experience is valid, and your grief is a reflection of the deep love you’ve known.
And to those who want to support someone in grief, know that your presence matters more than your words. Simply being there, offering a listening ear or a comforting hug, speaks volumes. Understanding may come only with experience, but compassion and kindness transcend all boundaries. Grief may feel like navigating a storm, but with grace and support, the waves become just a little easier to face.
I am a school counselor turned counselor educator, professor, and author helping educators and parents to build social, emotional, and academic growth in ALL kids! The school counseling blog delivers both advocacy as well as strategies to help you deliver your best school counseling program.
I'm a mother, grandmother, professor, author, and wife (I'll always be his). Until October 20, 2020, I lived with my husband, Robert (Bob) Rose, in Louisville, Ky. On that awful day of October 20,2020, my life profoundly changed, when this amazing man went on to Heaven. After Bob moved to Heaven, I embraced my love of writing as an outlet for grief. Hence, the Grief Blog is my attempt to share what I learned as a Counselor in education with what I am learning through this experience of walking this earth without him. My mission is to help those in grief move forward to see joy beyond this most painful time.
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