Susan Rardon
Rose, Ph.D.
Charlotte Levin's poignant words capture the essence of living with grief. Grief is transformative. When we lose someone we love deeply, a part of us dies with them. The person we were before their loss is forever changed. We become ghosts of our former selves, navigating a world that looks the same but feels profoundly different. This new existence is like living underwater, where every action requires immense effort, and even breathing feels foreign.
Levin's metaphor of negotiating life under an ocean is incredibly apt. Grief submerges us in an ocean of sorrow, making everyday tasks feel like monumental challenges. Shopping for groceries, getting ready in the morning, going to work, even brushing your teeth some days — these ordinary activities become exercises in survival. We move through them as if drowning, each breath a struggle, each step a reminder of our loss.
In the depths of grief, life feels unliveable. The weight of our sorrow is so heavy that it seems impossible to bear. We think, “No one could live with this.” And yet, we do. Somehow, despite the overwhelming pain, we continue to move forward. It's not really as if we have a choice. It really is amazing that God made our resilience both astonishing and mysterious, a testament to the human spirit's capacity to endure even the greatest of losses.
Amidst the constant drowning, there are moments of respite. Occasionally, our heads rise above the water, and we catch glimpses of our former selves. We find something funny and laugh, experiencing a fleeting moment of joy. These moments are precious, offering brief reprieves from the relentless waves of grief. They remind us that life, even in its altered state, can still hold fragments of happiness.
Grief forces us to live in a state of duality. We are simultaneously the person who existed before the loss and someone entirely new. This duality is challenging to reconcile. We must learn to embrace the parts of ourselves that remain while acknowledging and honoring the profound changes we have undergone. It is a delicate balance, one that requires immense patience and self-compassion.
As we navigate this underwater existence, we must allow ourselves to feel the full range of our emotions. It is okay to feel submerged, to struggle with the weight of our grief. It is also okay to rise above the water, to laugh, and to find joy in moments that surprise us. Both experiences are valid and essential parts of the grieving process.
Grief reshapes us, and in doing so, it reveals new facets of our identity. We must learn to embrace this new self, to understand that while we may never be the same, we can still find meaning and purpose in our lives. Our loved ones may be gone, but their impact on us remains. Their memory continues to shape who we are and how we move through the world.
Living with grief is an ongoing dance between drowning and resurfacing. It is a journey that requires us to navigate the depths of our sorrow while also seeking moments of light and laughter. Charlotte Levin’s words remind us that this dance is a natural part of the grieving process. By accepting and embracing the duality of our existence, we can find a way to live with our loss.
As we move forward, let us remember to be gentle with ourselves. Grief is not a linear journey but a complex tapestry of emotions. By acknowledging our pain and celebrating our moments of joy, we honor both our past and our present. We learn to live with our grief, not as a burden, but as a testament to the love we have lost and the strength we have found.
I am a school counselor turned counselor educator, professor, and author helping educators and parents to build social, emotional, and academic growth in ALL kids! The school counseling blog delivers both advocacy as well as strategies to help you deliver your best school counseling program.
I'm a mother, grandmother, professor, author, and wife (I'll always be his). Until October 20, 2020, I lived with my husband, Robert (Bob) Rose, in Louisville, Ky. On that awful day of October 20,2020, my life profoundly changed, when this amazing man went on to Heaven. After Bob moved to Heaven, I embraced my love of writing as an outlet for grief. Hence, the Grief Blog is my attempt to share what I learned as a Counselor in education with what I am learning through this experience of walking this earth without him. My mission is to help those in grief move forward to see joy beyond this most painful time.
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