The Gift of Grief

Don't pray people's grief off of them.

They need it. It's a process.

It's how they love what they lost.

Pray for grace in their grief.

Pray for patience with their grief.

Pray for tools in their grief.

But don't pressure them by praying to take it off them.

Grief is God's gift to us to process the love of what we lost. 

- Author unknown

Grief is one of life’s most profound journeys, often misunderstood or hurried along by well-meaning friends and loved ones. In our desire to see those we care about “feel better,” it’s tempting to pray for their pain to lift, for their sorrow to end. But grief is not a burden to be removed; it is a sacred process — a divine gift that allows us to honor the love we carry for what we’ve lost.

The poet's wisdom reminds us: Don’t pray people’s grief off of them. They need it. This is a radical perspective in a world that often seeks quick fixes for discomfort. But grief, messy and painful as it is, is how we navigate the love that has nowhere else to go. To rush someone through their grief is to rush them past the sacred work of cherishing what was.

Grief Is a Process, Not a Problem

Grief is not a problem to be solved but a process to be lived. It has no fixed timeline, no universal steps, and no right or wrong way to unfold. For some, grief is raw and overwhelming, like waves crashing relentlessly. For others, it’s a quiet ache that lingers in the background of everyday life.

To pray for someone’s grief to be removed might unintentionally communicate that their pain is a problem to fix. But grief is not the enemy. It is an expression of deep love, a testament to the importance of who  — or what — has been lost.

Praying for Grace, Patience, and Tools

Instead of praying for grief to be taken away, we can pray for grace within the grieving process. Grace to find moments of peace amid the sorrow. Grace to hold space for the pain without shame or judgment.

We can pray for patience—not only for the person grieving but for ourselves as we walk alongside them. Grief can be long and unpredictable, and patience is essential in offering true support.

And we can pray for tools in their grief. Tools to help them process their emotions, to express their memories, to find their footing in a world forever changed by loss. These tools might look like therapy, journaling, art, or the quiet strength found in prayer and scripture.

Grief as God’s Gift

Grief is, in its own way, a gift from God. It’s the heart’s way of holding onto the love that remains even when the object of that love is gone. It allows us to process, to remember, and eventually, to heal — not by forgetting, but by integrating the loss into the fabric of our lives.

When we allow grief to take its course, we honor both the love we have for what we’ve lost and the God who gives us the capacity to love so deeply.

Walking Alongside the Grieving

For those supporting someone who is grieving, the best gift you can offer is presence, patience, and understanding. Be a witness to their pain without trying to fix it. Offer prayers not to remove their grief but to strengthen them within it. Let them know it’s okay to feel what they feel, for as long as they need to feel it.

Grief is a holy space where love and loss meet. May we approach it with reverence, knowing that it is not a weight to be lifted but a path to be walked—with grace, patience, and the gentle support of those who care.