Understanding the Nonlinear Path of Grief
Managing Grief Is Not a "To Do" List!
Today, I’m sharing this diagram of the path within the stages of grief from one of the textbooks in the Grief Counseling course I teach. I think it’s so important to understand that grief isn’t a box to check off. It’s not a series of steps you climb and leave behind. Instead, grief is a work in progress — a journey that ebbs and flows, just like life itself.
The Nonlinear Nature of Grief
The stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are often misunderstood. Many people think of them as a checklist to complete, with acceptance as the finish line. But in reality, grief doesn’t work that way. You might find yourself in a place of acceptance one moment, only to be pulled back into shock and denial the next. That’s not failure or regression; it’s simply how the process works.
Grief is deeply personal and unpredictable. It’s not about moving forward in a straight line but about navigating a winding, ever-changing path. Some days, you may feel like you’ve made progress, and other days, it might feel as if you’ve taken several steps backward. Both are valid parts of the journey.
Grace for the Journey
In this process, grace is essential. Grace for yourself as you navigate the twists and turns, and grace for others who might not fully understand what you’re experiencing. Grief is exhausting, and the weight of it can feel overwhelming at times. It’s okay to pause, to take a breath, and to acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can.
I pray each day that your burden becomes less heavy with each moment you carry it. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving your loved one behind. It means finding ways to carry their memory with you as you move through life’s complexities.
The Importance of Education and Awareness
The diagram I’m sharing from my class is a tool to help students understand the nonlinear nature of grief. It visually represents how we can cycle through different stages multiple times, often in unexpected ways. This awareness is not only valuable for those studying grief but for anyone experiencing it. Understanding that these shifts are normal can help alleviate feelings of frustration or failure.
Support and Community
Navigating grief is easier with the support of others. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional counselor, having people who can walk alongside you in your journey can make all the difference. Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to face it alone.
Final Thoughts
Grief isn’t a linear process, and that’s okay. It’s a complex journey, full of highs and lows, moments of peace and moments of pain. If all you can do today is put one foot in front of the other, know that it’s enough. You are enough.
As you navigate the path of grief, remember to extend grace to yourself and those around you. Each step, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength and resilience. And always hold onto the hope that, with time, the burden will feel a little lighter, and the love you carry will continue to guide you forward.
I am a school counselor turned counselor educator, professor, and author helping educators and parents to build social, emotional, and academic growth in ALL kids! The school counseling blog delivers both advocacy as well as strategies to help you deliver your best school counseling program.
I'm a mother, grandmother, professor, author, and wife (I'll always be his). Until October 20, 2020, I lived with my husband, Robert (Bob) Rose, in Louisville, Ky. On that awful day of October 20,2020, my life profoundly changed, when this amazing man went on to Heaven. After Bob moved to Heaven, I embraced my love of writing as an outlet for grief. Hence, the Grief Blog is my attempt to share what I learned as a Counselor in education with what I am learning through this experience of walking this earth without him. My mission is to help those in grief move forward to see joy beyond this most painful time.
