Unfinished Love
These are my thoughts on the eve of my 60th birthday.
I wasn't done loving him! This is a birthday that he didn't get. I wanted to celebrate his 60th birthday with him. I want him here to celebrate my 60th birthday with me.
While it is true that "death do us part", it is definitely not true that death stops the love. Just as he loved me until his last breath, I will love him until my last breath. And, just as I carry him with me, I also carry all my loved ones who are with him. They shaped me with shared experiences and sharing their wisdom.
I often talk about love as an energy. This is important, because energy doesn't stop. Energy can't be destroyed. If one object loses energy, another object has to gain that energy. Energy can be converted into different forms. For instance, a hairdryer takes electrical energy and converts it into thermal energy blowing heat to dry our hair. When an object’s motion changes, so does its energy. If a bicycle slows down, it loses kinetic energy. That kinetic energy will be converted into another form, such as thermal energy, or transferred to another object. When a force acts on an object the energy of that object changes. For instance, when you hit the brakes on a bike, you’re applying a force to the wheels. That force converts some of the kinetic energy into heat.
So, love, in pure form, is not an emotion that comes and goes. Love, in pure form, is an energy - a vibe- that resides within us. Grief is the expression of that energy until we can heal enough to be able to move or convert that energy into another opportunity within our lives. And, notice, I say opportunity. I do not plan to find another love. No judgement against those brave enough to do so. It's just that I don't think I'll ever feel not married to him. Each grieves differently. This is my path.
My hope for you is that you can find that opportunity to be able to move forward. For me, right now, it's my children and grandchildren - those literally carrying him around.
I am a school counselor turned counselor educator, professor, and author helping educators and parents to build social, emotional, and academic growth in ALL kids! The school counseling blog delivers both advocacy as well as strategies to help you deliver your best school counseling program.
I'm a mother, grandmother, professor, author, and wife (I'll always be his). Until October 20, 2020, I lived with my husband, Robert (Bob) Rose, in Louisville, Ky. On that awful day of October 20,2020, my life profoundly changed, when this amazing man went on to Heaven. After Bob moved to Heaven, I embraced my love of writing as an outlet for grief. Hence, the Grief Blog is my attempt to share what I learned as a Counselor in education with what I am learning through this experience of walking this earth without him. My mission is to help those in grief move forward to see joy beyond this most painful time.
