Grief and Mystery

Billy Graham often spoke of "the mystery and reality of evil and suffering." Mystery implies that we can't comprehend or don't understand something. I'm sure you were pleased when you heard Noah explaining this concept to me. (I continue to believe and feel that you are looking down on us as you said you would.) I was lamenting that I wish I could understand why you had to go so early. He spoke up and said, "It's like me, Gogo. Sometimes, Mom, Dad, or you say, 'You wouldn't understand now. We'll talk about it when you are older.' God doesn't explain everything because we can't understand it yet."

The Wisdom of a Child

The words of a child meant so much to me that day. It's not like God is trying to hide something as Satan told Eve. It's just so complicated that we wouldn't understand. We don't have the whole picture as He does. I can't even comprehend what has happened to me in my lifetime, much less comprehend God.

Embracing Jesus' Presence in Suffering

Paul Claudel writes, "Jesus did not come to explain away suffering; he came to fill it with his presence." As difficult as it is, I need to focus on Jesus rather than answers to why I am going through life without you. Your wisdom and faith continue to guide me, reminding me that even in the darkest moments, Jesus is with me, filling my suffering with His presence.

Growing Through Suffering

You often said that you grew up in spite of your upbringing and background, not because of it. I need to put one step in front of the other in spite of walking through this life without you. I can use the suffering to learn and grow rather than to sulk and shrink away from life.

Choosing Hope

I will choose hope. Charles Carter said, "Hope infuses life with meaning. Hope is both the present realization of redemption and a joyous anticipation of its fulfillment." I keep looking for a purpose. God will show that eventually. In the "waiting room" or "hallway," I can choose hope as a vessel for meaning. I can hope each day to learn, to grow, to move forward, and share your light with the world.

Confronting Daily Struggles

Some days feel like a battle. It's a struggle to get up, to get ready for the day, to walk out the door and confront the world. And, those days sneak up. It's not as if there is any reason for one day to be more difficult than the other. Of course, there are holidays, anniversaries, etc. But, sometimes, those days are better than the "regular" days. Yet, I must. I'm here for a reason.

Focusing on Love and Light

Pope Benedict XVI said, "Love is the light - and, in the end, the only light - that can always illuminate a world grown dim and give us courage needed to keep living." Because two people fell in love, I am left with the love of our children and grandchildren. I will choose hope and focus on the love that I still have!

Conclusion: Living with Hope and Love

As I navigate this journey of loss and grief, I am reminded of the profound wisdom that love and hope provide. The mystery of suffering may never be fully understood in this lifetime, but I can find solace in the presence of Jesus and the love that continues to surround me. By choosing hope, embracing love, and moving forward with faith, I can honor your memory and find meaning in each new day.

This journey is challenging, but with each step, I am reminded of the love that still fills my life and the light that guides me. I will carry your legacy forward, living with hope, love, and the courage to face each day.