Tears Are Natural

Dr. Thomas Franz, a professor and an authority on bereavement counseling, says crying is the most natural way to release grief. Ironically, he notes that the first goal for most people is to get the grieving person to stop crying! Tears are natural. Babies come into the world crying. Did you know that tears of grief contain more toxins than normal tears? They are cleansing and healing! In "Oliver Twist," Charles Dickens said that crying "opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens down the temper."

Embracing the Natural Process of Grief

I have shed more tears in these 39 months than I have in all my years. Yet, I somehow felt guilty in the last few months, as if I wasn't progressing as I "should." The above words helped to remind me that crying is natural. It's okay. Tears rid the body of toxins that don't need to be there. I think of it as ridding the body of that extra love energy that has nowhere to go now. It helps to control anger, as Dickens wrote, by "softening down the temper."

The journey through grief is deeply personal and unique to each individual. While society often pressures us to "move on" and suppress our tears, it is crucial to recognize the healing power of crying. Shedding tears is a natural and necessary part of the grieving process. It allows us to release the built-up emotions and toxins within us, paving the way for eventual healing.

Understanding the "Should" Trap

I am reminded of Albert Ellis' concept of awfulizing or catastrophizing as I wrote the word "should." The use of the word "should" or any all-or-nothing thinking distorts reality. It lulls us into that adolescent thinking that no one understands. Yet, many have walked this road. I tell my counseling students that grief is unique. I need to remember that for myself as well. I am moving forward at my own pace, and any step forward is good - even if that involves some back and forth at times.

Moving at My Own Pace

It's important to reject the notion of a linear progression in grief. There will be days of profound sorrow and tears, and there will be days of joy and laughter. Both are valid and necessary. By embracing my emotions and allowing myself to grieve at my own pace, I am honoring the depth of my love and loss.

Jesus even blesses those who weep and promises eventual laughter. And, I am able to laugh when I spend time with our children and grandchildren. They bring the joy back. I will remember that it's okay to cry, but continue to work toward bringing joy into my life.

Finding Balance

As I navigate this path, I am learning to balance my moments of grief with moments of joy. Spending time with our children and grandchildren has been a source of immense happiness. Their laughter and love remind me that life continues to hold beauty and meaning, even in the face of loss.

Final thoughts: A Promise of Healing

In conclusion, I will continue to shed my tears, knowing that they are a natural and healing part of my journey. I will strive to find joy and laughter amidst the grief, cherishing the precious moments with our family. And, I will move forward at my own pace, embracing the unique path that grief has laid before me. This journey is far from easy, but with each tear and each smile, I am finding my way.

Reference

Fraley-Keller, D.J. (2017). The Widow's Workbook: A Widow's Bible Study. Maitland, FL: Xulon Press.